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Zoe Duff



Practical Polyamory - as presented at Beyond The Love Conference - Nov 2013

Intro -

Is living poly right for you?  - quiz

1. what does poly look like for us discussions

- ethical non-monogamy

- knowledge and consent of all partners

how much knowledge/when and consent or faux consent

- variety in practice of poly

-hierarchical poly- one penis poly

- discussion ongoing as people are added

Essentials for success

1. Be your own primary

- self-care

- self-awareness  - jealousy

- feedback from yourself - am I happy in this relationship - not a poly vs mono - most often people involved is problem

2. Communicate, communicate, communicate

- listening

- feedback  - continuous

- agreements - safer sex - deal breakers

- boundaries, consent and comfort

3. Honesty

- level of disclosure vs privacy

- your and their definitions of honesty

- consent , faux consent and levels of honesty

- loss of trust - reclaiming trust

4. Integrity

- commitments honoured

- spirit vs letter of the law

- moving at rate of slowest person

5. Jealousy and Compersion

- consent – rather not know – acceptance – approval - happy/joy

- triggers, desentizing, understanding, NRE

6. Community & Tribes

- just cause we're all poly doesn't mean we have anything else in common

- choosing community – experience level, age range, policy of inclusion/exclusion overt or inferred

- creating community

- inclusive community – do we communicate exclusion inadvertently?


The Joys of Poly - as presented to Beyond the Love Conference

... having options and freedoms and being prepared to work to keep them.

... having a goal within reach and seeing your hard work come to fruition.

 ... having opportunities to grow & learn more about yourself and people in general.

... having to worry that I might just be too happy and living a best seller's list novel.

... feeling heard even if its just by yourself in a journal no one reads.  Hugs for me from me.

... pausing to be grateful for the blessings of acceptance, appreciation, and love in one's life.

…being grateful for the love and kindness that surrounds and enfolds me.

... being very grateful that I’m loved despite my obnoxious ways.

... loving yourself and taking time to enjoy your own company too.

... learning and moving along the pathway of life while looking forward open-hearted to new adventures.

... a life full of experiences good, bad and kinky.

... simple pleasures and amazing good fortune.

... having a rainbow weekend.

... being wanted and desired and grumped at cause they loves me - even when I put on my cranky pants and don't deserve it.

... daring to enjoy your life.

... knowing that the sum of a happy life is in the multiple lives one touches positively and not in the fractioned moments of struggle.

... treading water effortlessly.

... being open to love and finding it in very special amazing people.

... chaffing in a reality and knowing that proactive change can be the end results.

... opening wide, inviting a shift of perspective and sifting through the emotional response because it means I'm alive and growing.

... being so happy you just want to have an emotional BURP.

... realizing that life is complex but ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh sooooooooooo good.

... having wonderful loving people in my life who aren't afraid to call me on my crap.

... knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that three wonderful men love me the way that I need to be loved.

Annnnnndddd....... yup…GREAT sex.

                              Copyright 2016 Zoe Duff